I'm My Own Problem [Solo]

What was supposed to be a simple, by the book's mission, quickly escalated into tragedy. Individuals who run the headquarters for commissioned missions either directly decided to have Lynn Uchiha, a low level Genin chump, go into a high ranked mission with Zunair Hyuga, or they somehow completely messed up who gets what, resulting in the young woman being forced into patrol duties she had no right in undergoing at her skill floor. Yet, there she was, going on her merry way to her new ally, instead of begging the people at HQ to fix their terrible, horrific mistake. Surely, it would have saved them both the trouble of going through what they did. An easy path, really, would have benefited everyone in general. There wasn’t even a guarantee that if she succeeded, if she’d get any credit for going into the whole process of border patrol, as she’d be mostly carried by her partner in the first place. None of this mattered in the end, though. Luck would have that they succeeded in rescuing at least a small number of citizens from a detestable bandit attack by the likes of a rogue Uchiha, and apparently, the cousin of Zunair Hyuga himself. Truly, a day in the life of a Konohagakure shinobi, right? She even made it out alive, no strings attached. Yet, she didn’t think that being back would hurt more than staying outside her own home in the wilderness.

Setting her camping pack down by the front of her door once she has gotten inside and locked it, Lynn stared blankly into her crappy little apartment. The space is lackluster in every way imaginable, but it got the job done as a studio apartment; her hammock in the corner, decorated and stocked with plenty of stuffed animals and comfortable blankets; two bean bag chairs sat next to a fireplace, and a bookshelf to its left; and a kitchen, with a conveniently placed mini fridge, stovetop, oven and various other kitchen utilities you’d expect the average teenager to have during this era. There’s also two closets, with one of them being filled with clothes and miscellaneous items, and the other having cleaning supplies stuffed into it. Finally, a small little table holds a glass case, which holds a small, green grass snake within its confines, alongside its heat lamp and personal habitat. Nori, the snake in question, immediately recognizes the scent of its master with its keen tongue, as Lynn strides over to him immediately and takes a moment to stare over them, a pained, worn smile on her face. At least she had someone to come back home to. They didn’t exactly fill the second bean bag, but… better than nothing.

Realizing said friend hasn’t eaten in a while, she snaps her fingers and fishes into the drawer of the table the case lays on, revealing a few items; a manual, a bottle labeled ‘Snake Food’, and some other items that would be useful for taking care of a reptile such as Nori. Opening up the bottle, she fishes out a brown, fleshy tablet that’s about the size of a tater tot, before closing it back up along with the drawer, lifting up the top of the case, and dropping the pellet into his enclosure. While most snakes were fed live mice, or other various small critters, Lynn developed a special ‘meat pie’ recipe for her snake, as it had some sort of eating disorder that prevented it for going after live prey, and dead mice aren’t exactly easy to gather. Leaving Nori to it’s devices, her head turns to the side. Beside the snake, the only framed picture in her entire apartment stands, usually turned to its side so it wasn’t immediately noticeable. This time, Lynn needed it to be the opposite of that. At first, there’s some sort of hesitation, her left hand hovering above the wooden frame… did she really want to look at it again? There was no reason to, right? There’s no way it’d help her at all. until she bites back her fear, and rotates it towards herself, nearly choking on her next breath once she views the picture inside.


She still couldn’t believe she used to have black hair… but more importantly, the woman standing beside them. “Nagisa…” she murmurs, bringing her thumb up to where this girl’s cheek was, and rubbing against it. This was a photo, taken during a school dance, which she kept protected from her parents at the time. How she longed for their touch, and their affection, even though she was the one that caused their friendship to splinter in the first place. Really, was she in any position to complain, knowing it was her own fault? Not that there wasn’t any resistance from her dearest friend, when it all happens. Lynn could remember the conversation with flawless clarity, because other than what happened with her own brother, that was probably the worst moment in her entire life. “It was yours too, though, I bet…” Those words tremble out of her now pursing lips, like senbon spewing out of her mouth. It was a betrayal she never forgave herself for, even though she did it to protect her. The pain in her eyes, the fury of insults and swears aplenty, and the tight grip on her clothes… how could she have done that to poor Nagisa? Yet, that only made her feel more justified in her actions, at the time. All she’d do is hurt the people she loved, if she allowed herself to get too attached. “It had to be done,” she said to herself, in a robotic fashion. But, unlike even the day before her recent mission, the phrase rang hollow in her brain. No meaning could hold such baseless comments anymore. All it did now was make her heart grow more numb, as it gets repeatedly punctured by her thoughts.


“And you’re satisfied with that, Pine Tree?! No… Lynn! Listen to me. You care too much to hurt me like that, you can’t just go and tell me that you’re going to go and live alone, and die in a hole all by yourself, just because of some stupid pinwheel eyes! You’re not just another Uchiha, you’re the future of our village, just like me! If you give up now, then there won’t be a tomorrow… and certainly not a tomorrow with me! Please, don’t give up when I need you the most!” Lynn recalled the moment it all fell apart, like she did every day since their departure from one another. Again, she repeated what she said that day, which was like a knife to the back for both of them. “Nagisa… I’m sorry, but you’re better off without me. I’m not worth it. You’re the future, not me.. not if I want to turn out like them. Like my parents. Like my ancestors… so, please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I want you to succeed… and not put up with a freak like me. At least this way, I’ll never have the potential to be a monster.” Her hands at the time reached up to grasp Nagisa, to try and give her a hug… but she grabbed her hands before they could go anywhere, a scowl on her face, pushing them back. It’d surprised her so much, but this was a normal reaction; the reaction of a person she was hurting, with completely unjustified motives. “If you’re not going to listen to me… then get lost, Lynn! Like you said, we’re through! Come back when you aren’t a complete idiot!” Then like that, she stormed off. She didn’t even turn back, from what Lynn could see. Nagisa never saw her face again… but she certainly saw hers. A couple of times, actually. Why?


So, she kept an eye on her lost friend, despite the fact she ‘wanted’ distance. The way she did it was subtle, because she was trying not to have it border on obsession, but… she wanted to protect Nagisa, from afar. In reality, all she was doing was causing the emotional attachment to grow stronger and stronger, with each passing day, even as the depression spiral began from there on out. This was like a festering wound, that she couldn’t solve without the only cure available; fixing the friendship. But if she did that, then her breaking it up to begin with was pointless. She already knew this. It was a catch twenty two, no matter what way she tried to justify her own actions, or discredit how Nagisa reacted. For the longest time, she was able to keep herself from faltering in her path, taking the easy way out and being a coward for as long as she can remember. Eventually, she even got her own place, so she’d never have to worry about her parents, her brother, or Nagisa herself. Occasionally, the girl had stopped by to look for Lynn, but she always made a point to disguise her presence. Being a Genin two years before her made it easy, since she was apparently more skilled in the stealth department due to it, but the gap was going to close, as it was finally Nagisa’s graduation day coming up. She remembered it clearly; she was going to finish a quick mission, then stop by the academy to watch it go on, and maybe even let Nagisa see her in the crowd.


Just another one of the many emotional breaks she’s had today, she can’t stop the tears from flowing this time, unlike before. “Why… why did it have to be like this?! Why did I have to go and screw this all up! It’s like the only actual problem here is me!” She shouted to no one in particular, before recklessly slamming her fist into the wall. Not only is she lucky that she didn’t break a hole in it, but that she didn’t harm herself in the process. It still made that part of the room tremble though, and the crying continued for many more minutes, just standing there as she bawled her eyes out against the wall. Tremors of dread, anxiety and hopelessness filter through her, and she doesn’t stop until the ducts are all dried up. She hadn’t cried like that in… she didn’t even remember how long. “To think, I thought I was over this… over her. But I wasn’t fooling anybody…” Sniffling, she stumbles away from her wall, and heads to the bathroom. A shower was needed right now, having been out in the wilderness for so long, and she needed to get rid of at least some of her stress. Sighing, she closes the restroom door behind her, and the sound of pouring water echoes from the room as she cleans herself up thoroughly.

When she’s done, she gets dressed up in her pajamas, simple striped pants and a shirt, with a ball tipped night cap. Might as well make herself comfortable, right? The thoughts she had in her shower were numerous, so she also needed to sort through that, too. Slumping into her hammock, she picks up one of her giant snake plush, gifted to her by Nagisa when she was younger, and curls up with it tightly, hiding her face against its soft felt body. Now she had to think, right? Okay, so the mission. It went… well, she thought it went horribly, but technically speaking, she was successful. She wasn’t the stylish, powerful hero everyone wished she could be… but, she saved lives. That did make her feel nice… but more than that, as if she actually contributed. So clearly, her skills were still needed, and that was despite the fact she was with someone who outclassed her in every way, and maybe even her ‘perfect’ brother, to a degree. That’s one scenario where she was wrong about herself. She was useful, and it was when it counted. Next.

When she was forced into interacting with Zunair… at first, she felt horrible. Talking to him was like walking on tacks, because she didn’t know what she was really doing; it’d been so long since she had real social interactions with anyone. Yet… she started getting to a point where she was venting, and beginning to feel comfortable with him. Sure, he was no ‘best friend’, but for some reason, she wasn’t shriveling up on the inside as much, fearing the worst on getting attached. Why did she feel this way? Really, it’s hard to say. The best hypothesis she could come up with… was that she was already starting to doubt herself. Isolation isn’t all it was cracked up to be, and furthermore, the thrill of being on such a high ranked mission with a Chunin, and being treated with respect… it was almost as great as it felt to have Nagisa on her side. She wanted more of it, even though she feared it so much. Then, the bombshell hit her, right as the question of their ninja way began to circulate the conversation.

The Hyuga, bless his heart, misinterpreted her saying she wanted to be a kunoichi in order to prove to everyone that she was not worthless, to instead, proving to herself that she was not worthless. To most, that’d be a very minute statement, and not have much of an effect. To Lynn, it meant the world to her, and she had to actually reconsider everything she’s thought about what she was doing for so long due to that one mess up on his part. It’d made her realize that no one, other than her family, really… cared much about her standing. Most mind their own business, and only react when something exciting, stupid or hurtful happens, most of which she never even garnered to begin with through her work. Simple work, simple smiles, greetings, the works. Even her own brother, who she still dislikes with a passion, had never really wanted to force her into being the best of the best. So, was she really vying for the approval of others? Or was she searching for the truth, so she could approve of herself? That was the crux of it all. Finally, she saw the doll, and came back home afterwards, fresh with the mental wounds she has accumulated from the harsh two days she’s had. The puzzle pieces were forming accurately, and she came to a conclusion once it all fit perfectly.


The answer, and the truth, were all there. Now, she has to face herself, and get over this mountain of mistakes, regret and anguish. How would she do it? Truly, it’s unclear, even as the sorrowful fog that obscured her rightful path started to dissipate. Where could she possibly start, with how screwed up everything is? Well, she still has a place to live, and she still has a job. No one hates her in that department… so all she can conclude on is self improvement, and making up for past mistakes. What’s the worst mistake she ever made? She knew already. Her worst decision was ruining the bond she had with the only person she knew cared with all of their heart, and would do anything to make sure she was safe, healthy and happy. Could she really mend it, though? Impossibilities used to be all she ever thought about, believing that nothing she’d ever want to live up to could come to fruition… but as she grips her plush snake tighter, a look of determination wells up on her face. Laying here and whimpering like a little girl wasn’t going to help her make everything right with Nagisa. No, if she wanted to even try and be the best Lynn she could be, she needed to confront her former best friend. Not only did she need to confront her, but she needed to be brutally honest, and tell her the true feelings that lied beneath the surface for so long, that she was afraid of letting out. There was no point in hiding it anymore, and frankly, even if she somehow awakened the power of her bloodline, she frankly didn’t care.



Tossing her toy to the side, she walks towards her clothes closet, and checks through its interior. There was a special jacket she remembered that was sewed for her by Nagisa herself, and so she grabbed it, quickly putting it on. After all, as she was laying there for about half an hour, she could hear the rain beginning to pour down on her small adobe. The thick, brown leather jacket would be perfect to protect her from the cold and rain, so she eagerly slips it over her PJ’s, not wanting to bother with putting actual clothes on. Time was of the essence, and she couldn’t have waited for tomorrow. No, she had to settle it once and for all tonight, in the middle of this stormy shower. Lynn knew how she’d break her true feelings to the woman of her dreams, too. A way to keep herself occupied while in isolation was her hobbies, and she picked up the art of music in her spare time after meeting a mysterious travelling bard that came by the village one day. Generous he was, as he offered Lynn lessons on how to sing, dance, and play instruments for a discounted price. The woman was desperate for a way to sink her pain into something constructive, so this was a medium she took up as a result. It wasn’t the only reason she did this, though.

Pulling out an acoustic guitar hidden under a bundle of shirts, she inspects the simple wooden instrument with glee, a soft smile warming up on her previously worked up face. All it needed was a little tuning from her deft hands, before she strums the strings for a test run, ensuring it was in prime condition for playing. “Don’t worry, Nagisa… I won’t prolong the pain for any longer. I’m coming for you.” Strapping it onto her back, she goes around to turn off all the lights in her house, and stops by Nori for one more goodbye. Looking down at the cute snake, who boops its snoot against the glass while she has her finger tip on it, she quietly whispers, “When I’m back… I won’t be the same anymore, Nori. One way or another. Wish me luck.” Then, without skipping a beat, she turns to the door, and heads out, locking it behind her and dashing straight into the night. No one would see what’s coming from her, now that she had a purpose. She had to better herself, not for anyone else but herself, and burn the dread that once haunted her.


[THREAD DONE. EXIT.]

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