THE BEGINNINGZ OF DA WAAAAGH!!!!

In the void of space, there are few things as peaceful as an
uninhabited planet. Untouched by the troubles of life, they bask quietly
in the light of their mother stars, one of the most serene views in the
universe. E-187-606 was a prime example of this type of planet, only
listed on Imperial records as beautiful and
*SMASH*
"LOOK
OUT DA WINDOW! IZ DAT ARMAGIDDON? WELL?" Warboss Shanki Blastah shouted
as he held Dakkawort Boltz, resident big mek, by his throat with his inactive powah klaw. Said mek was currently pressed face first against
the main panorama window of the Flyin' Warsquig.
"Ack Ugh Gargle." Boltz replied. Realizing his subordinate's need for air, Shanki Blasta released his grip slightly.
"Uh,
no boss, dat's not Armagiddon." Boltz replied. The few orks around the
bridge wisely kept their distance to their boss. Having recently
suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the Crimson Fist space
marines, they were lucky to get out with their space hulk intact.
Although 'intact' was probably too much praise for the mish-mash of
fused together ships, asteroids and other space-junk. To say Shanki Blasta
was pissed was to say the Titanic was waterlogged. Currently they were
headed to Armageddon, a planet famous for being the most contested
planet in the sector. Target of two subsequent WAAAGH!'s, it became a
synonym for 'prolonged conflict', and it was the closest thing to an
Ork's idea of heaven in existence. Shanki Blasta planned to get into the
thick of the fighting, find the biggest, baddest boys available, and
shanghai them into a quest for vengeance against the marines that had
cost him so much. Unfortunately, that involved actually getting there
first.
"Boltz, get yar slimy self down to flyin' control and get
me boyz down ter Armagiddon NOW!" the Warboss said, hurtling his
subordinate away. Not wanting to attract any more attention (and
bullets, stabs, slices, etc.) Boltz ran for it.




In the void of space, there are few things as peaceful as an
uninhabited planet. Untouched by the troubles of life, they bask quietly
in the light of their mother stars, one of the most serene views in the
universe. E-837-357 was a prime example of this type of planet, only
listed on Imperial records as beautiful and
"GRRAAGH! BOLTZ! GET OVER 'ERE SO I CAN SHOOT YA!"
Upon
finding the big mek, Shanki Blasta had had (by ork standards) a stroke of
genius. Stuffing Boltz in his own shokk attack gun, Shanki Blasta pointed it
to a random star and pulled the trigger. While this may seem not that
dangerous to the uninitiated, let us take a moment to observe just how
monumentally stupid this actually was. A shock attack gun is a marvel of
technology, normally making miniature tunnels through the warp allowing
living beings to safely travel past light speeds while avoiding all the
usual dangers of daemons, time-warping, spatial distortions and other
weirdness normally associated with warp travel. If researched properly,
the technology had the potential of making safe, instant interstellar
travel a reality, resulting in a much safer, happier universe with
flowers and bunnies and dancing children and all that. Orks being Orks,
they use them to shoot snotlings at people.
Now, as stated above, a
shock attack gun is designed to fire snotlings, not a large ork.
Especially not into a warp engine, a machine that basically punches
gaping holes in reality. And if one should shoot an Ork at a warp engine
anyway, the best way to fix said engine does not involve
shouting at the power core for half an hour, open up a random
maintenance hatch and dump in some parts, and finally empty ones big
shoota in the navigation section. It is unfortunate that no one dared to
tell the enraged warboss this.
"If ya wants somefing done right
an' propa ya gots ter do it yaself." Shanki Blasta grumbled, after completing
his 'kustomizations' of the warp drive.
"Awroight yar gits! Ere
we go!" he shouted, and pushed the activation button. Two star systems,
fifteen planets, six moons and hundreds of nearby deamons ceased to
exist.


Nearby the borders of the Firenation the remains of the flying Warsquig slammed into a nearby forest setting fire to the forest the hull splitting in half the enraged yell of the Warboss echoing throughout the area far into the village of Konoha and farther.