Why Not? [Solo, nk]

Time is out of joint. Oh, cursed spite, that I was ever born to set it right.

"Do no harm" was the motto of medical personnel, but as a ninja, Nanaki wasn't really bound to that. Still, he wanted to play a passive role in the battlefield. He wanted to give life, not take it away. When he was backed into a corner, he fought like a mad dog, but he hated doing it. There was just that pressure inside him, telling him not to die, or at the very least, not to lose. Was it a good feeling, especially when he was already protected by the village? Was it a good thing to feel this strange competitive drive?

On one hand, it drove him to be better, to try to be the strongest that he could be. Without a doubt, that was a good thing. Self improvement and the like were certainly virtues. However, at the same time, its nature implied a variety of vices, such as envy and conceit. A constant drive to better than everyone else would probably lead a person to hate other people for their unique talents and inherent advantages. This whole dilemma left Nanaki bewildered. What to chose? Should he try harder, and risk becoming a worse person, or should he keep going at a slower rate and possibly become useless to the village?


Either way, the choice was maybe not up to him. He had to maintain some kind of standard, even though he had not yet been assigned to a team. In order to learn higher level techniques, he had to raise his chakra level to a certain area first. To use an analogy, trying to perform a high level jutsu without the knowledge and power level required would be like a shrimpy kid trying to lift a heavy dumbbell. In short, sheer idiocy.

So, as a fresh genin, he had to start from somewhere. He had a lot of potential inside him, he just knew it!

From an objective standpoint, that went to show just how little he actually knew, but such things were irrelevant to Nanaki. He was a simple lad, after all. He'd once considered training with weapons, but realized that he was really clumsy. He'd probably end up chopping off his own hands someday if he mucked around too much with that kind of thing. Better to be safe than sorry, right?

... yeah, right. Somebody like him would always fuck it up. In every situation, there was always a choice. For instance, whether to protect himself or others. If he chose to protect others, he would be hurt. On the other hand, if he chose to protect himself, others would be angry with him, and he would still be hurt. Then what was the point? What was the point of living? To hurt others and be hurt? It was an endless cycle of pain. At that moment, Nanaki didn't feel angry or upset or indignant. He felt despair. Life wasn't beautiful. It was hell.

Then, why were people happy? Why did people persist in life? Nanaki's dull brain searched for conclusions, but in vain. Were people like him just not meant to discover their purpose in life? In other words, was it really true what some people said; was it really true that people like him... just needed to die? Perhaps the reason that he had come into this world was that his parents truly had wanted him, but then they saw something in him that they didn't like. So then, it was his fault. That meant in order to find his own meaning in life, he needed to start working hard towards that goal.

The problem was that hard work didn't mean everything. Human beings weren't born on equal ground, some were born with greater talent than others. Nanaki had, or so he believed, been born with no talent at all. His mind and body were both basically defective, and his chakra was only a little below average. This meant that he'd have to work harder and longer to get to half the power that a normal person would have. Did a person like him deserve to have a purpose?

Standing there in the middle of the room, Nanaki would exhale slightly. His duty was to his village, and until his brain could run no more, he'd keep serving it to the best of his puny ability. Nanaki, you see, overestimated the ability of his ego to cope with the kind of pressure it took to be a shinobi. He was so remarkably weak that it really wouldn't take much for him to collapse. Still, as long as he believed he was stronger than he actually was, he would keep working tirelessly until someone told him to stop. That was the way he would lead his life.

At that moment, something snapped inside of Nanaki. The coming into self-awareness and the stress of his mental state upon his very cells caused some kind of awakening. The objects around Nanaki... his spare socks, the paperweight on the table... they all began to twitch and shudder violently. Wait... what was that? Nanaki clutched his head. There was a whispering in his head... pieces of thoughts, visions that he shouldn't be seeing. He had a sense that there was something else out there, that despite his feeling of loneliness, he was a part of... something more. 

He smiled, a peaceful grin. So there was something inside of him after all. Something that made him different from everyone else... but in a good way. With this, it didn't matter how stupid or weak he was, because he KNEW that he was special. What other people said did matter to him, but not as much anymore. Because whatever this strange pressure was inside of him, it was his and his alone. Now, it was time to focus on this. If he left this talent to go to waste, he'd be a loser for sure.

[WC 1002
5 stats
1 of 3 topics toward Ataenushi bloodline discovery]

Finished.