The memiores of Akashingo pt.3

Darkness……that…that was what I remember.
 
Wait no…..there was light, a singular light…..it rested somewhere..out of reach.
 
No no, there was no light only darkness…..except I was the light.
 
How long….3 days, 4 weeks, a year, a century……..my body still broken….was I ever whole?
 
I remember a face, a pretty face…yes that’s right, brunette, tan skin, brown eyes, her skin had been so soft against mine.  How I remember the women, yet I don’t remember the blood…….wait, did I say blood….so much blood………….was it real?  No, that much blood couldn’t be real….there would be no way a group of humans could become such a mess…….unless it was my hands…..why are my hands stained red?
 
A fog, it follows me even now.  What has happened, why are there tears watering the grass at my feet.  A cage, when did the fog become steel.  More red….more blood?  No a tomato….they are throwing things at this cage, but I am in the cage…….are they throwing things at me?  Why me……what is happening?
 
“Akashingo Akari you are hereby formally charged with murder……but not the murder of a singular soul.  Instead a massacre rests at your feet.  How do you plead!?” 
 
Is he talking to me?  My name….is it Aksh..Wait what did he say, something about a name.  I don’t recognize it.  Murder?  Was that the other word he used?  Murder, who was murdered, why is he asking me?  I couldn’t have been a murderer I was in the garden, the garden with a young women.  Wait, that’s her….a picture on a board, I recognize her, I always remember a pretty face……..those words…murdered?  When had she been killed, who would do such a……why am I here?
 
The darkness it is back.  Is it my friend?  It must be, I find myself within its grasp so often.  Can’t think, if only I could…….the darkness it is back.  Is it my friend?  It mus….wait I said that.  How many times have I said those words?  This isn’t the first….nor the tenth.  THINK GODS DAMN YOU! AHHHHHH, more red is it blood?  It is, metallic….this is my blood……..my nails why so long…did they dig into my own face….they must have, I feel the lines. 
 
The fog, so close to being gone, I think I can see the sun…or is that the real sun?  Cold….why is it so cold.  I am in snow? When did I get here?  My knees they feel wet, my neck is cold, no something cold rests on it….an axe?  Why is there an Axe on my throat…..this doesn’t seem right….no this isn’t right………none of this is right.  Bindings on my wrists, but I can break them….
 
Escaped, the fog it follows, but I have left the steel behind.  A cave...a cave can be a home, it can be my home...for now. 

A fire.....the fog it is leaving me, I remember, I can make fire, I can live.

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I remember everything.  I am Akashingo Akari…..and I…..I am a murderer.