Earth's Intruders [B-rank]

[Here's the mission: http://naruto-role-play-rpg.forumotion.com/t20047-mission-earth-s-intruders-part-1iwagakure#155528]



That morning, evil Kozai was still in control. “Ke hahaha! Today, I’m going to go destroy someone’s day. I may even kill someone. Oh, whatever. Let’s just go.” He got out of his bed, his various limbs extending and abextending to make him stand up. He walked down the stairs, but then went back up. He got dressed, and had a cup of sake. He liked the bitter taste of the alchoholic liquor, but not its burn. It reminded him of how disgusting this world was. He put the sake back in the drawer, and headed outside. Suddenly, he stopped. Had he seen something….. on the coffee table? Hmm….. How interesting. It must be a mission folder of some kind.
 
He went back inside, locking the door behind him. He turned around, walked over to the sofa, and sat down. Then, he reached out his arm, and, using his fingers, picked up the folder. He opened it, and read the mission briefing. It was, incidentally, from Near the Arrogant. Hmmm… Let’s see what it said.
 
“The task is simple, young man. Find that rogue grunt spotted around the village and cause him to flee, as he does follow him and find the exact location of their base as well as the number of ninjas located there and any other important things that I might want to know.”
 
“Kehahaha! Easy. Let’s see what else is here.” There was a photo of the suspected rogue, he looked scrawny and didn’t seem too strong. He was clearly a rogue, that was mostly all they knew. As to what elements he had, that was completely unknown. “Very well, I’m sure that this will be massively useful. Let’s go!” He hopped up and out of the door, making sure to unlock it first. He went outside, and walked around the town. He tried the marketplace first, crouching on the roof looking for his suspect. “Hmmm….. doesn’t look like anyone’s here.” He stood up and looked at the red sky. “If I was a stupid, brash, arrogant young chunin, where would I go? Hmmmm…..” He tried the outskirts of town near the peddlers wagons to see if the rogue ninja was there threatening the peddlers for wares or ramen or whatever the hell they sold out there. Hmmm, not there either. He leaped over the rooftops, parkouring from chimney to chimney. The weather was awfully balmy today, perfectly calm and almost windless. It would be fun to work out or fight in this weather.
He tried at the girls’ hot spring. There, he found the jackpot. The chunin was there, peeping at the girls. Kozai was quite disgusted. If you were going to look at a girl, at least take action instead of fapping and leaving. This one, also, deserved to die. But not quite yet.
He leaped down, descending as if here were a god and this lowly one was merely a creation, a mundane being. “Ah, I found you.” As he descended, he used water heavens convergence to extract water from the ground and create tendrils of water around him, the tips of which he froze and rotated at high speeds, making them look like the classic drill-tentacles of internet fame. He advanced toward the rogue, brandishing his tentacles. “Come here…. Young one…. Your blastopore will soon be invaded.”
Apparently, the young rogue had some knowledge of science, because he freaked out. “D-d-don’t buttrape me! Aackk!! Katon: Goukakyuu no jutsu!” Aaahhh… so the brat could use fire. That was nothing against the power of water. Being significantly faster, Kozai created water to block. At the same time, he shot shards of ice out of the water to possible slash the chunin. However, the chunin ran. “Gotta get back to base…. Warn the others….” Kozai stopped for a second. “Hmmm others? This is what Lord Near wanted me to do. I’ll check it out.” He began to follow the rogue at a safe distance. They went out through several stretches of wood. Kozai would memorize which direction they were heading in case they got lost.
As it would happen, the chunin got lost. So, he took out some kind of communication device and started making calls. After he repeated the coordinates and wrote them down, Kozai commited them to memory. Man, this guy was so stupid. Maybe he should have disobeyed orders and butt raped this guy after all. This was pretty easy for a B-rank mission. He felt lucky, most genin didn’t get a B-rank. But he was elevated; he was a chunin of Iwa. He got up, and took a shorter path to the coordinates. He found…. A tree. A very large tree. With a metal keypad on it. He saw the boy come up and punch in a set of numbers, 9-5-3-4. He jumped to the tall tree and waited for the boy to go inside. “Ho ho ho ho ho…… go inside… I made another joke! Man, I’m almost cracking myself up. I’ve got to stop this, ha ha ha ha….” He dropped down and input 9-5-3-4 into the keypad. The door whooshed open. Kozai walked inside, noting everything. “Metal ramps… and underground base….. pneumatic door system… good air conditioning…sniff…. Cinnamon.” He walked down until he found a large “courtyard” type area. There, at least 200 ninja were gathered, and boy, was their leader fat or what? I mean, this guy could have used a workout years ago, but now he was fat. Also, he had a mental disability. Not the one that Kozai had, but this one was generically psychotic. Nothing compared to DID for sure. Anyway, this guy was making some crazy stupid speech about war. Kozai copied it down word for word in case Near might need it later.
 
“My friends, it has often been said that I like war. 

Friends, I like war. 

No, friends, I love war! 

I love holocausts. I love skirmishes. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats. 

Wars across prairies, in streets, in mountains, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth. 

I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with forbidden jutsu that thunder across the lines of battle. 

My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed into the air and cut to pieces by well placed shuriken. 


Like when ranks of ninja brandish their blades rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy. 

The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they're mowed down by ear piercing automated kunai turrets! 

When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by bakuton, I'm in ecstasy. 

I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Sunagakure puppet division. It's so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed. 

I love to be squashed under the heel of the Iwa and Kumo war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the bakuton bombers flying overhead. 

Gentlemen... All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!? 

Very well. Then war is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But... After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple "ordinary" war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man's history has ever known! 

We are but a single battalion... The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is worth a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for us to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy. 

Our grand army of one thousand battle-hardened warriors will burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Iwa's charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war! 

At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill! Attention soldiers of the United Coalition of Rogue Shinobi, this is a message from your commander: 

Friends... let's bring them Hell.”
 
Kozai leaned back and took a break. Frankly, he was quite tired from writing for so long. He put away his materials and investigated the defenses of the area. He remembered Near’s requirements. He knocked out lights so that people wouldn’t catch him sneaking past. “Ok, time to get out of here.” He exited using the vent. He knew he had to get back to the village quickly, so he did. He made sure to get back using the opposite way. He made sure to detail everything, especially the speech. His report would include these:
 
Lord Near, the chunin has the Fire element.
Lord Near, a lot of information will come from this speech, I will reiterate the most important parts here:
“We are but a single battalion... The remnants of a defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is worth a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for us to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let's drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy. Our grand army of one thousand battle-hardened warriors will burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Iwa's charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war!  “
Also,
“Gentlemen... All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!? 

Very well. Then war is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But... After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple "ordinary" war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man's history has ever known! “
This shows the subject’s psychotic tendencies, wouldn’t you agree?



“At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill! Attention soldiers of the United Coalition of Rogue Shinobi, this is a message from your commander: 

Friends... let's bring them Hell.”
Could the “sea lion” mean something? Finally,

“The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they're mowed down by ear piercing automated kunai turrets! 

When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stand with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by bakuton, I'm in ecstasy. 

I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Sunagakure puppet division. It's so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed. 

I love to be squashed under the heel of the Iwa and Kumo war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the bakuton bombers flying overhead. “

Lord near, this is my analysis of the tree: it has pneumatics, which suggests a skill engineer. I hope you will adjust your strategy accordingly. No, I trust that you will do so.
There is also the scent of cinnamon, which suggests tannins. This means that the tree itself is rich in tannins. I would suggest using the tannins in the xylem as a weapon against the enemy should we ever invade that place. Also, a note of caution: that leader is fat. This means that he eats a lot, and possibly his own men. However, on a more positive note, if he is cut off from his food supply, he  will most probably die. This is tactically useful. I hope this was helpful.
 

END REPORT


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