Starker saw the old geezer come in. So, his proctor was experienced and hopefully not senile. This might be a good day after all, he thought. He was then asked to perform the three basic academy jutsu. He searched through his memory for what those were…. He knew beyond a single doubt that one of the jutsu that he so ardently sought was the bunshin no jutsu….. clones…. Oh right, that one. He performed the hand seals of ram, snake and tiger. He was not so used to twisting his fingers in such odd ways, but he had to do what he had to do in order to pass this ridiculous exam. As a matter of fact, he would rather be at home sleeping than out here doing this for possible hours on end. It would be too much to bear for any normally lazy person, but then again, Starker Coyote was quite exceptional indeed. He was so lazy, that he would do whatever it took to get back to his bed and go take a long nap. He decided not to sweat it and created a couple of clones, which would do cartwheels. He would then dissipate them. He never felt sad when he let go of clones. After all, they weren’t really people in the first place. He then soared through his memory, looking for the other two jutsu. Kirigakure no jutsu? Not likely, as that was quite restricted to water users (which suna was NOT famous for). Now mist itself was an interesting and diverse topic. Whether you were speaking of the natural phenomenon, or the village itself, there was always something interesting. For example, rogue ninja had completely destroyed kiri, sinking it quite effectively beneath the waves. No one to his knowledge had resisted them, and all civilians had died horrible deaths. He finally found what he was looking for in a remote corner of his cerebral cortex, the hippocampus, more appropriately. It was the kawarimi no jutsu, the substitution technique. Hopefully, he could do this one correctly. He grabbed a nice, large textbook from the bookshelf. It said “Biology, eighth edition, by Campbell and Reece”. His favorite textbook, no less. Biology was a most fascinating subject, and he did pretty well in it. He substituted with the book, and then reversed the jutsu. He really hoped that he would pass this exam, otherwise he was wasting valuable chakra and time. For some odd reason, Harry Belafonte songs were raging through his head now, completely destroying his concentration. “Jump in a line, rock your body on time….” Wow, that was really distracting. Harry Belafonte really had a sense of a good beat. Starker had adored his music for most of his life. However, now was not the time to listen to his favorite artist. The music became so much of a distraction. If only his could just transform his world into a silent place where he could concentrate on the task at hand. Hold on a minute…. Transform…. Transform… that reminded him of something. A ha ha! That was it! The transformation jutsu, henge no jutsu! This was what he had been waiting for this entire time. The third basic jutsu had revealed itself to him in a flash of divine premonition! Yes yes yes! He quickly performed the hand seals for the henge no jutsu. Dog, boar…… uh…… what was the last one again… he had forgotten the hand seals! He knew that he had studied this to the extreme, yet, at his moment of victory, he forgot the last handseal! How embarrassing. It was like being headbutted in the ass by a ram. Hold on just a minute there… he had had another premonition! Ram! That was the last friggin’ handseal! He made the ram handseal and performed the henge no jutsu, transforming, quite effectively, into the proctor himself. He stood there for a few seconds, for impression and other things like that; just randomly. He then released the jutsu and breathed a deep breath. He had performed all of the necessary jutsu to pass the genin exams, and hopefully, the proctor would approve of his most wonderful and awesome performance. This was a moment that he would probably remember for the rest of his life. What did this mean? What was the significance of passing a standardized exam? Did he do it for the honor? The prestige? The rank? The glory? The girls? No, not the girls. The reason that he could perform these techniques with such high efficiency was because he was driven. He was driven by the urgent need to go home and get some rest. He was not lazy in order to be lazy. Hopefully, he would get rich someday and buy a place and settle down where he could sleep, eat, and poop without being disturbed.
[WC: 807]