Lightning Strikes

She startled as Zyxis appeared in a flicker in front of her. Before she could lash out or move around him, she was wrapped in a one armed embrace. She sniffled into his shoulder as he pat her head and shook her head as he insisted that it was not her fault that this had happened. "But—!" She bit her lip as he pulled away to reveal the ragged scar on his arm, her eyes tracing the lightning-shapped pattern.

"I failed to do the jutsu, though." Her brows furrowed together and her lips were taut with a frown. "How can I be proud of my mistake or proud of my failures?" She looked at her motionless hands, willing them to clench. Her fingers twitched momentarily before falling still again. She hissed and scrunched her eyes shut, trying to will her tears away. "I apologize, Zyxis. I..." She shook her head. "I did not want you to see me like this."

Despite his best attempts to comfort her, Natsume seemed only more shaky and teary-eyed than before. Her eyes darted from side to side, looking for an escape from this situation, as if she were prey and Zyxis were the predator. If only her hands worked, she could try to Body Flicker her way out of this mess. But they didn't. "May I go now?" She needed to hide, needed to go somewhere where nobody would see her weakness.

She was motionless, her eyes focused intently on the ground even as he took her numb hand and kneaded it with his thumb. Was he rubbing in the fact that it was numb? That, were it not for the motion taunting her in the corner of her vision, she could not feel it because of her silly mistake? She clenched her teeth.

Her ears were ringing and her eyes were wet with tears, but she held the sobs at bay and listened as he spoke, opening his heart to her with words that sounded sincere. Or was it just pity?

She stayed silent as he confirmed that she was anything but weak. "Okay," she finally said after a rather long pause.

Though he tried to force their gazes to meet, Natsume stubbornly kept her gaze directed to the ground. She was being childish, and she knew it, but she was scared to look into his eyes and see anything negative in them. Scared to confirm the fears that taunted her in the back of her head. Much better to fear and live in doubt than to be certain, right?

She took back her hand. "Okay," she repeated. "I will go home and rest." She bowed at the waist and then, with her head still bowed and hair covering her face, turned and left. It was the only way to keep the tears that were rolling down her cheeks hidden from him, after all. "Thank you."

She did not watch him as he left, determined to keep her crying face hidden from him and anybody else. It was only the sound of his footsteps fading that alerted her to him leaving, and the resulting silence that let her know she was well and truly alone.

Natsume sunk into a low squat, curling herself as small as she could. She buried her face into her hands and finally let out the sob that had been building up in her chest. Even now, her hands were numb. She sobbed harder. "I am truly pathetic," she said in a whimper. Not only had she failed to do the jutsu, she had broken down in front of one of peers, revealed the fragility of her soul without any prompting. She had well and truly come unravelled, and she could not believe how easily it had happened.

How long had she sat there, crying and hating herself? She could not tell. But eventually the feeling came back into her hands and eventually, she stood back up.

So many things had happened since becoming a Genin. She had buried it all. She had ignored the twinge in her heart when her father started to distance himself from her, she had ignored the fear when she thought she first saw death, she had stomped on the self hatred that came with freezing in a moment of true importance... And now it was all coming out. It felt good. If only she had done it when she was alone, instead of starting to crack in front of Zyxis, she might have been okay with the emotional breakdown.

Instead, she was furious with herself. Furious for her weakness. For her failure. For her lack of composure. "I can not go home yet." After all, the only way to absolve herself of weakness was to train it out of her.

She clapped her hands together, ignoring the twinge in her limbs, and went through the hand seals for Jibashi again. Without the pressure of being watched, it was easier to work through the kinks of her chakra, building it up and kneading it into the shape she needed. She thrust her hands, palms out, towards the ground. "Raiton: Jibashi!" Lightning crackled to life between her hands then shot out towards the ground, tearing it up much like Zyxis' had.

"Hah... Success." She smiled to herself, then collapsed on to the ground, and fell asleep. She would not notice the hairline-thin scars snaking along her left hand, looking very much like the fractal patterns of a lightning scar. At least... not yet.

...

It was late. Or early. Depends how you look at it, really. The sun was still under the horizon, but it would be rising soon. Natsume opened the door to her house and slipped in as silently as she could, avoiding that one creaky panel on the floor that used to always give her away.

"You didn't think you could actually sneak back in without me noticing, did you, Pumpkin?"

She jumped and looked at her father, her eyes wide like a deer in headlights. "Oh! Papa! Hi." She smiled weakly and waved at him.

His eyes darted to her hands and his brows furrowed. "You're back late." He looked sorely unimpressed with her.

She dodged his disapproving gaze. "I was training." Really, was that not justification enough?

His mouth opened and closed as he made irritated sounds, as if trying to decide how best to lecture his errant daughter. Finally, he sighed. "Take a shower before you go to bed, okay? The bath is drawn as well, if you'd like to relax." And that was that. He went off to bed.

She watched his disappearing back and then sighed as well. A bath sounded good. Really good.