Labtouille

Mission Info:

Liquid reinforcement crystallization digestibles. Liquid reinforcement crystallization digestibles. Liquid reinforcement crystallization digestibles. Saturn repeated the words to himself over and over in his head as he walked towards the lab where a peculiar experiment was being conducted. Heading back from a smoke break, he was dressed in a lab coat, complete with a pair of lab glasses that the doctor's assistant insisted was not necessary for the requirements of this particular experiment. Saturn could not be convinced of this however, and told her a bunch of idioms about protection. Be aware, take care. Wear it or bear it. A spill, a drip, a hospital trip. By the time he was done talking to her, she had already left the premises. The doctor laughed it off and told the shinobi to watch out for a "lawsuit" but Saturn had never heard those two words put together as one.

The lab was a large room separated into two sections by a thick glass pane. On the other end of the glass pane were the test subjects who were routinely served pills on metal trays. The test subjects wore all white clothing and shared the room together. They were always together except for when they had to go to the common washroom in the corner. An unfortunate Genin was put in charge of cleaning the toilet every day. The doctor was the renowned scientist Hiroshi Taemo, the father of the local miscreant Konohamaru who had a knack for abusing his father's procurements. He had grey hair and wrinkled skin, and wore a white lab coat as well. He was obsessed with his experiments and cared less for any of his subordinates. The shinobi who were tasked with helping him were indispensable to the old knob who was often said to be inappropriate.

Gotta pay the rent, Saturn had thought when he took up the questionable job. He owned his flat in the suburbs of Kumogakure, but in his blind pursuit of get money he had forgotten that fact for a long time.

When Saturn Sentobi returned to the lab, it was just as he had left it. The doctor scientist was fiddling with a bunch of test tubes at his table. He cursed when he dropped one of the tubes causing it to shatter and spill. Without missing a beat, one of his Genin underlings immediately began to clean up as the senior turned to Saturn. "You've come back. Right on time." He got up from his chair and gestured at the test subjects behind the thick glass wall. Saturn nonchalantly picked up one of the two cups of black coffee from the doctor's table and sipped on it as he stood next to the older man.

"The three on the right have been given three doses each of the yellow pill. And the three on the left were given three doses of the orange pill three hours ago." Hiroshi Taemo spoke with a sense of urgency. "As for the three in the middle..." He adjusted his glasses, "I need you to dilute the cup of black coffee on the right into three test tubes to serve the red pill, the strongest of all.." He looked back at the table to see one of the cups missing. "Saturn. Where is the cup with the red pill, the strongest of all pills? Saturn?"

The Genin spat out half of the black coffee onto the floor and wiped his lips with his lab coat. "Why would you put the red pill, the strongest of all pills, in coffee?!" He shrieked, pointing his finger at the old scientist. "The coffee was supposed to help with the bitterness of the red pill, Saturn. Do you not have taste buds at all anymore?!" The scientist grabbed Saturn by his lab coat and wept in despair, bawling his eyes out at the calamity. He wept for a good minute before finally releasing the Genin from his grip. He muttered to himself about the incoherence of today's youth as he simply walked out of the lab without providing any further instructions.

---

When Saturn finally saw the doctor scientist return to the lab, he was behind the thick glass pane with the rest of the test subjects. The three volunteers on his left had enormous torsos and struggled to bear their own body weight with their frail legs. They crawled on the ground and left behind a trail of drool. The three on his right had abnormally long legs, and touched the ceiling with their scrawny arms to feel the room around them while their tailbone ground against the top wall. All six had wide grins on their faces, a look of ecstasy masking a fear of the unknown. It was an eery sight. As for the Genin in the middle, as he opened his eyes he now had feathers growing from his skin, with a pair of wings to match. His beak made his voice crack and squawk when he spoke. "What the fuck?!"

"Don't be creeped out by their uncanny smiles. I slipped some morphine into their pills to help them stay calm in their transformed state. I hadn't gotten around to putting any in the cup you downed." Hiroshi spoke calmly from behind the thick glass pane, sipping on his normal black coffee. "Please find the tray of rations next to the blowdryer in the corner and fly up to the tall set of test subjects to deliver their bi-hourly rations. We might as well make use of your new assets now."

"My new assets?! Turn me back, doctor, no! Please!" Saturn pleaded, but his new bird eyes did not have the tear ducts to manifest his overflowing tears.

"Useless! You have already shown me what your worth is. Now fly!"

Saturn flew up to the tall Titans and fed them one by one, dropping their rations into their mouths with his talons. The last one swept at Saturn in his bird form, causing his feathers to drop and rustle when he ducked out of harm's way in the nick of time. "Watch it, big foot!" He scowled.

"Now for the creepy crawlers.." The doctor scientist plotted. Saturn could understand that he was talking about the creatures with the massive torsos. It was creepy. "It appears that we are out of leaves. Please fly down to the forest and fetch the type of leaves I will now describe."

"They're flowers..." Saturn muttered vindictively, referring to the skunk that the scientist's son tried to grow using his assets a few days earlier when Saturn and co had to burn down the old man's house to get rid of the resulting infestation.

"What was that?" Hiroshi asked, holding a syringe.

"Nothing! Leaves, Eucalyptus, Mahagony, Feijoa!" Saturn fluttered his wings and leaped out of the window, flying effortlessly as though he had always carried the ability to soar in the sky.

---

Saturn's mission had taken a weird turn. It was not infrequent for his quests to turn into bizarre adventures, but this particular case was astounding even for the Fortuneteller. There he was, perched on the branch of the Eucalyptus tree, with the body of a bird and the face of a man. Having accepted his fate, he was trying to get his beak on one of the long stems, to grab a beakful of leaves. He did not know if he would ever be human again, but if one thing was to be certain it was that he would still need ryo to pay the rent and put food on the table. Just as he was about to pluck the stem from its branch, a youngster screamed out under him. It was a vehement battle cry.

Upon looking at the branch, he saw that there was a purse laying idle near a bird's nest. Neither the nest nor the purse belonged to him. Looking down at a youth who seemed to be a young aspiring Genin starting off on his journey, the situation began to seem much more familiar to Saturn. He also had to rescue a purse from the hands of a thieving bird. "No, wait, let me tell you something.." Saturn cawed down at the boy, who only heard squawks.  When it came to dealing with thieving vultures, most Kumon shinobi had a simple, fail proof strategy. Saturn had read enough mission reports to recognize that more likely than not, the boy was going to try to kill him before taking the purse. "Raiton: Lightning Beast Tracking Fang!" The boy yelled, it was a technique that Saturn once used. Saturn could not form any hand seals with his talons. He was left with only one option.

A large devouring sphere formed between him and the boy, sucking in his beast to a pitch black void. The sphere persisted, distorting the space around its borders. The boy was caught off guard, but he was unrelenting in his quest to retrieve the purse. To Saturn's dismay, he seemed more focused however on taking out the bird. His competitive spirit disallowed him from looking for a peaceful solution to their conflict. The boy's brazen attack only served to provoke him. Saturn pecked the surface of the branch underneath his talons and pulled out a smoke bomb. He then canceled the devouring sphere before dropping the smoke bomb onto the floor, shrouding the base of the trunk in its thick mist. Holding leaves of eucalyptus in his claws, he leaped down with a kunai in his beak, swinging it to send a sharp gust of forceful chakra infused energy at the boy, slashing open a small but gaping wound in his shoulder. "Prick." Saturn squawked, before flying off to the horizon with the ingredients.

Upon returning to the Lab with all of the ingredients requested by the doctor scientist, Saturn threw a tantrum. He stomped his talons on the table, demanding that he be turned back. However, his voice now only came out in squawks. "I know, just give me a moment." The doctor shunned him, talking to one of his clients on his telephone. Saturn groaned, his wings were remarkably fresh considering his journey but his mind had grown frustrated and weary. He squawked louder at the doctor, signalling at the pack of cigarettes on his table. While talking to his client, the doctor put a stick in Saturn's mouth and lit it for him. While he smoked, the doctor remained on his call. "Yes. Yes. No gravy. Definitely no jam. Eat greens. Vegetables. That's correct." He spoke in a monotonous tone as Saturn took a drag, and gained the dexterity with his talons to ash the cigarette into the ashtray.

When the doctor was finally finished with his call, he turned to Saturn. "Did you get the ingredients." Saturn cawed back. The bag was ready. This was not a story with a fitting ending. Like Saturn's bird parts, this was a story glued together from bizarre pieces that did not belong where they positioned themselves. It was something that never should have happened. The doctor laid Saturn flat on the table and fed him a concoction of herbs. Then he took his avian body and shook it like a cocktail shaker. When he placed his body back on the table, Saturn began to morph and expand. In a few seconds, he was back in his human form! A maple leaf covered his privates. "You've done well, shinobi. I'll be sure to ask for you next time." Saturn sighed, looking to leave as soon as he was paid. He looked at the other test subjects behind the thick glass pane. "Don't worry about them. This concoction will work to turn them all back to their human form. I'll be sure to pay you a little extra for your trouble." The doctor said. It all added up to Saturn now. He took his payment, and a spare set of clothes from the scientist, before leaving the building as quickly as he could.

EXIT;

WC: 2000

Claims:

Approved