Balance [Private] [Ayama and Navi]

His hand loosened and she felt herself slip through it, falling to her knees on the ground. She knelt, arms wrapped around herself, trying to restrain her sobs. The residual terror, the sadness induced from the vision and the hate at herself mixed dangerously within her. Not even Hisoka, who was currently trying to soothe her with his own emotions, could help. They were both badly shaken. Ayama had realized that despite her promise to her partner she had forgotten. She had forgotten just how fucking dangerous Navi could be. She had forgotten that hands that were usually so gentle could kill her in an instant. She had forgotten that for all the control he showed, there must have been something terrible underneath that he had to rein in.

"Of course you wouldn't know... how would you have known?"

She flinched as Navi sat down, the shuddering movement the only outward sign of her sudden instinct to run. Her eyes remained fixed on the dirt between them. The only sign she had noticed the lessening of his intense chakra was the relaxing of her fingers

She glanced up at him. Not visibly, but she peered through her eyelashes and bangs, studying his face. His expression belonged on an older man, his eyes filled with past deaths and losses. They were so familiar. She had seen that expression before. On someone else close to her.

A memory flashed through her minds eye. A hunter nin, young and fresh from the academy, fleeing the massacre she had been forbidden to see. A moment or terror, foresight and her father’s training flashing through her mind. A Kunai plunged through the mask’s eyehole, killing the panicked nin in an instant. The sorrowful expression her father wore as she proffered him the bloody kunai, her hands stained red, and asked him if she’d done well.

Never trust had been his first law. Be strong to protect those you love his second. Even at the age of ten she had known that if the young ninja had gotten away her and her father’s location would have been broadcast to all the countries. She had killed the nin to prevent this. It had taken days for the nightmares and the guilt to wear her down. She had crawled into her fathers sleeping bag one night and tearfully asked him to forgive her weakness. What she had once thought was sympathy she now knew to be relief.

She could see, could understand now that one of the major differences between her Navi. His parents had died when he was only seven leaving him at the mercy of his village and his own ambitions. He had no one around to ease him back, to help him see that there was more to life than his power. Her father had tried so hard to help her keep her light. He had tried to let her have a childhood before she was inevitably shoved into a ninja’s world. Navi had never had that choice.

She studied him, trying to fit in this new information with her old conceptions about the leaf ninja. But her eyes widened and her head came up as a single tear traced down his cheek. He was crying, or crying as much as Navi ever would.

"So that's what it feels like," Navi whispered to himself, his whole body still shaking from the traumatizing shock.

She watched him closely, not bothering to hide her stare any more. Her own tears still trickled down her face. But now she wasn’t so afraid. Her image of him, her grasp on his psyche had been shattered, and kicked down. Only shards could fit into the new picture he was revealing to her. A picture of a boy, full of hurt and loss, weighed by his own power and responsibility. A boy who shoved others away, to protect both them from his powerful enemies, and himself from the potential loss. A boy, though a powerful ninja and sometimes more mature than he should be, a boy still.

A boy she could forgive, even if some of her trust had been lost.

She took a deep breath, regaining some of her strength.

“I may not understand,” he voice was soft and quavered slightly with nervousness but she continued anyway, meeting his eyes, “but I want to”. Her voice was earnest. She realized that she wanted to help, to be able to understand his pain. She wanted to be there for him when he needed someone to talk to. She just wanted to be there for him in general. Even though she would need to become so much stronger, gain strength to the point where even Navi could have trouble fighting her. She would, she would fight for this if she had to. Something told her it was worth it. Not even Hisoka could disagree.

She watched him closely, not bothering to hide her stare any more. Her own tears still trickled down her face. But now she wasn’t so afraid. Her image of him, her grasp on his psyche had been shattered, and kicked down. Only shards could fit into the new picture he was revealing to her. A picture of a boy, full of hurt and loss, weighed by his own power and responsibility. A boy who shoved others away, to protect both them from his powerful enemies, and himself from the potential loss. A boy, though a powerful ninja and sometimes more mature than he should be, a boy still.

The wet steak that Navi's tear left behind dried itself up quickly and faded away. The small drop of water in his hand slithered off his fingers and fell into the dust he was sitting in. A few moments later it would fade and dissipate, along with Navi's Raven Style and the aura of chakra that surrounded him.

“I may not understand,” he voice was soft and quavered slightly with nervousness but she continued anyway, meeting his eyes, “but I want to”. Her voice was earnest. She realized that she wanted to help, to be able to understand his pain. She wanted to be there for him when he needed someone to talk to. She just wanted to be there for him in general. Even though she would need to become so much stronger, gain strength to the point where even Navi could have trouble fighting her. She would, she would fight for this if she had to. Something told her it was worth it. Not even Hisoka could disagree.

"I may not understand,"

Navi's head jerked up as she said this, shocked that Ayama had found the courage to be next to him after he had made such a terrifying display. The fact that she hadn't absconded immediately upon him releasing her throat was unbelievable, she must have seen something that he hadn't but Navi struggled to understand what it could have been. Ayama was an incredibly brave and special girl, and she had more depth to her person then even the Navagan eye would be able to comprehend.

“but I want to”

Goosebumps and feelings erupted across his body as she said this, his mind in complete awe that she had expressed such powerful feelings despite his breakdown and everything she had seen. For a moment it seemed like another tear might come from his eye, but Navi's head rose to reveal a small, warm smile spread across his lips.

Without meaning to, Navi lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Ayama, hugging her tightly and embracing the girl whom he had just grown monumental respect for.

"Thank you", Navi rasped. They were the only words that would come out of his mouth, and even then they felt almost impossible to say.

After a minute of holding her in his arms, Navi stepped back a little from her. There wasn't even a flicker of embarrassment in his eyes or redness on his cheeks. A bond of loyalty had been forged for Navi, and at that moment, Ayama became the only person alive that he emotionally cared about. He recognized that a level of distrust had been instilled in Ayama after his breakdown, but Navi had faith that it would mend with time.

The cold and careless Navi hadn't been slightly changed into a distant and distrustful person. Training and being with Ayama would provide an escape from the reality of constant ANBU missions and the death of comrades. It was a baby step for Navi, but having someone in his life like her would start bringing him back from the cold world he had been forced to place himself in.

Somewhere, deep and hidden in his cold heart, Navi had just fallen in love with Ayama.

She blinked, surprise registering in her mind. That smile was not quite what she had expected. It was a bright and warm smile. Something she had never seen Navi do. She replied with a smile her own.

Without meaning to, Navi lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Ayama, hugging her tightly and embracing the girl whom he had just grown monumental respect for.

Her eyes widened, her surprise growing into shock as his arms wrapped around her. For a moment she was still with shock, her face growing pink. Then her smile returned full force and she wrapped her arms around him, returning the hug with as much force. Happiness surged through her heart at the contact. No one had been close to her in almost four years. Somehow the fact that seconds ago she had been afraid of him, or that she knew she should fear him mattered little right now. She was just enjoying his warmth and the closeness of his company.

"Thank you", Navi rasped. They were the only words that would come out of his mouth, and even then they felt almost impossible to say.

“Anytime,” she replied softly, her voice holding the same rasp. She would do this anytime, despite the danger to her person and the emotions it stirred she would always be there to do this for him. She wanted to understand, she wanted to grow closer, she wanted to be the one to make him smile like that again.

This new understanding, this new view of him had changed how she felt for him. He was dangerous and he was powerful enough to hurt even if he hadn’t mean to. But despite this he was the closest person to her. She valued him, he was special to her. She would fight for him, for the tentative bond they had formed. It was a startling revelation.

As he pulled away her hands fell into her lap, folding neatly together. Her smile was bright and warm and only for Navi. She could feel a bond that had formed between them, a connection similar to the one she had with Hisoka. Loyalty and trust and maybe even some undiscovered feelings were slowly building a relationship between them. Ayama may not have known exactly where this was going, but she was certain she would follow it to its end.

As he pulled away her hands fell into her lap, folding neatly together. Her smile was bright and warm and only for Navi. She could feel a bond that had formed between them, a connection similar to the one she had with Hisoka. Loyalty and trust and maybe even some undiscovered feelings were slowly building a relationship between them. Ayama may not have known exactly where this was going, but she was certain she would follow it to its end.

The bond was formed, it was a foundation of loyalty and closeness, far beyond any friendship Navi had ever experienced. Navi walked forward and hugged her tightly one more time, holding her there for several seconds. After a small sigh as the fluttery emotions faded Navi whispered gently,

"Thanks for everything"

With that he vanished into a puff of smoke. While he had other ANBU duties to attend to, Ayama would remain on his mind for the rest of the day.

[Exit Navi
WC: 6300

+31 Stats
+63 JP]

"Thanks for everything"

He vanished in a puff of smoke, transported away by his body flicker technique. For a moment she sat in silence her mind churning through her emotions and her news ideas. With a sigh she stood dusting off her pants lightly.

“No thank you,” she murmured to the empty clearing. She hadn’t told him but he was helping her in much the same way she was helping him. He was helping to make her strong her, teaching her that not all ninja were going to stab you in the back and even revealing new feelings to her. Although she doubted that last one was entirely on purpose.

With another contemplative sigh she performed the hand signs for her Body Flicker technique and vanished in a poof of smoke. She had missions to do and training to start. After all, she wouldn’t get stronger by just sitting around, even with her meetings with Navi.


[WC- 7453 SP- 37 JP-74 ]
[EXIT]

Approved