A Day making things Right (P, NK, Sal)

There Ashie was, her eyes were sullen and she had bags under her eyes. Yesterday's argument with Sal had really burnt Ashie out, she snuck herself into her room where she cried for hours, didn't even get a lot of sleep. Her hair, though straight, was slightly ruffled and frizzed from the heat. Her outfit today consisted of black shorts and matching tank top yet again, but today she had a blue sheer haori to keep her shoulders covered but the fabric is super light so she doesn't over heat.

She was staring down at some of the vendor tables, looking at the different objects and gizmos. Some things reminding her of home, other things just seemed plane dull. She sighed out, she was really bummed, maybe it was her comment before she tried to make him feel better? She was just trying to defend Saka, but maybe Sal was just joking around with Saka? Maybe she should've just talked normally, damn her inner royal. She wished she could reverse time! She would've stopped herself right away if she knew the outcome. Maybe she should find Saka and see if they could find Sal? No...Saka surely hated her after that sight. Sal too, he surely did not want to see her ever again.

She kept her head down in defeat, the little shinobi was at a loss.

It had been one day since Salzem's spat with Ashie and he was feeling no less chaotic than he had before. The girl, knowing or not, had opened old wounds he would have preferred covered, even festering if necessary. So long as he wasn't force to confront them. That weakness wasn't something he needed now. Maybe if the day was brighter, maybe if everything had been taken care of or locked down more tightly, this whole mess could have been avoided. He wouldn't have given in to the compulsion to snap at a little girl over something so trivial. He may have been a monster, but he still knew what was right and what was wrong well enough to know that what he'd one was entirely uncalled for. He knew Ashie was just trying to help him. He knew that everything she said was just and righteous, and his own stupidity and impulsiveness destroyed him again. His instinct to keep his feelings tucked nice and neat under a preferred persona, it was something he had learned early. It was something of a painful lesson he couldn't unlearn if he tried. It was one he practiced now. Salzem always preferred rage to sadness. Rage made him feel strong, justified. Tears left him confused and vulnerable. It was an easy choice. And he was still paying for it. The guilt of yelling at a child, the pain from the wounds she brought up, the burning rage in his head and the empty sorrows he felt in his chest... He was an idiot. A stupid fool of a person. There were no other words to describe himself other than undeserving. Undeserving of the sanctuary he has, undeserving of the people who called him friend, undeserving of the chance to go back.

And so, it was little surprise the wolf could be seen wandering through the market place, head held low. It was staggering the power guilt had over the body, the chemical disruptions that caused one's eyes to blur, and one's gate to slow to a drag. His eyes weren't particularly focused on any one thing other than the ground. The Ashie incident. He added it to the long list of things he needed to kick himself for whenever he felt happiness, joy or satisfaction. T'was a list he constructed for the soul purpose of reminding him that he had an ever-growing debt to pay. He then added it to the list of things he needed to kick himself for every time he woke up in Sunagakure, home to the Kazekage who took him in when he could have just as easily killed him right there. He constructed this list for the soul purpose of reminding himself of the disgrace he brought upon his caretaker. Finally, Salzem added this incident to a personal list, One that counted his stupidly impulsive behaviors. It was by far the largest and most physically painful to recount, the latest addition easily making in just under the top 10. Feh... embarrassment and shame were the dominant emotions that danced their waltz in his chest. Its painful, painful waltz. Tears would come in their own time. He could feel his cheeks and eyes begin to burn. The least he could do is get out of public.

Ashie gasped, she held her hand over her mouth as she sensed Sal's chakra. He was close, very close, she was too scared to lift her head to even look around. He was most likely still upset with her, and he was still insanely stronger than her and would rip her to shreds. She slowly lifted her head, looking around, her eyes darting quickly. There he was he was walking towards her, this was not good.

She needed a place to hide right now, but her blue haori was going to be seen if she jumped away. She got underneath one of the tables selling handmade items she pulled her knees up to her chest and held her breath as she saw his feet coming closer to where she was once standing. She shuddered hoping not to give her location away so easily. She also kept her hand over her mouth stopping any loud breaths from escaping her. When she saw him he still looked upset, she wanted to just apologize, but maybe it was too soon. She didn't want to risk her life finding out that was for sure, if only there were a way to tell whether he was willing to talk with her again...what a silly thing.

Of course he didn't want to speak with her again, not after that incident, who would?

Simply hiding from the wolf didn't hide her scent in the least. Salzem's ears perked up as Ashie's smell brushed past his nose, allowing him to feel some kind of relief worth two good kicks. If he could get Ashie to forgive him, to get her to understand that he didn't mean the way he acted, then at least one of them would go home happy. Maybe that was worth it. He felt no rage as he tracked her scent. He felt no anger or accusation towards the little girl. How could he? She was a little girl! She didn't know any better... No, he felt anguish, guilt, and self loathing. God... how could he snap at a child who was barely old enough to be called an academy student? How could he threaten to hurt her, even want to kill her and nearly do it? Had Salzem really fallen that far? Is this really what he'd become? Was he even worth the flesh he was composed of? His heart beat the answer "No", obviously, and it sent echos of the cruel void rippling though his body. If he were dead, or even forgotten, things would be much easier... For everyone. Suicide was a cowards way out. Maybe that's why he so faithfully pursued the murderer... Perhaps he'd hoped he'd die. Maybe it wasn't even about Isshin anymore... Stupid... Stupid... Stupid...  

Salzem eventually ended up at the stall under which Ashie sat. There was no cloth hanging from it's middle to hide her fearful gaze as Salzem approached. It was.... kinda obvious... Worth another kick. He'd tally those up at the end of this misadventure and doll them out as appropriate. He crouched down so that he was now eye level with the girl, his face showing as pleasant a smile as he could construct. He tried to look as if he was happy to see her, which to some extent, he was. Another kick.

"Uh... Hey there, Ashie..." Salzem waved gently at her, ignoring the look the stall keeper was giving him. "I... uh..." Salzem paused, trying to gather his thoughts. Hokage's sake, why was it so hard to say "I'm sorry?" "I... owe you an apology..."

Her heart stopped as she saw Sal stop right in front of her position, and as soon as he kneeled down to eye level, her heart rhud loudly in her chest, his teeth were bared. Wait...now that she scanned carefully, he was trying to smile...he was...trying to...say hi? She watched as he raised his hand in a gentle manner waving at her even though they weren't far from each other at all. He had apologized, he apologized? No that wasn't right. He was mad at her, if anything she had some apologizing to do. So she lowered her hand covering her mouth and she took a breath and a gulp and spoke as calm as she could.

"Sorry? That's what I should be saying...I didn't mean to call you rude...I thought...I was...just trying to defend Saka...and then I saw you get agitated and...I didn't mean to push at your past." If she had any pride left in her it was gone now, she felt like a jerk and it wasn't a good feeling at all. She didn't want Sal to suffer because from what he said yesterday he seemed to be having a rough time. Not just here in Suna, but he had problems elsewhere too. She tried to smile, but she didn't have the energy in her today, she tried to turn her lips up, but her eyes were submissive today, instead of gazing in his eyes she was looking down, not out of disrespect, but out of fear. She knew Sal had the power to kill, she forgot just how insignificant she was here. She tried looking at his facial structure, so that way he knew she was trying not to be rude herself.

"I just...don't want you to feel pained...I'm sorry if I brought up painful memories, I understand how hard it is to just swallow your pain and try to move on. I don't even think I've moved on myself. I....I'm sorry...I don't want to bring up bad feelings again." She waited nervously waiting for his reaction. Did she anger him further? Did he look pained like before? Did she mess up again? When she saw her father again she had some repenting to do. She closed her eyes as she held out her left hand, she wanted to shake his hand, but it was only if he agreed to. She wanted to put the past behind her and move on, maybe even give Sal a reason to stick around more often. Ashie didn't want him to feel like he had to leave, specially if Uncle Koroshi allowed him to stay in the village. Maybe he wasn't all that bad after all, maybe all the villagers needed to see was that Sal could be a good friend too. Maybe Ashie could help him do that! She would try her best, but she could only do that if Sal took her hand to shake.

"Maybe we could, start all over? A fresh, clean slate so to say?"

Salzem shook his head as Ashie began making her own apologies. He couldn't afford to hear them... It would only make him feel worse. If Salzem knew anything, he could always feel worse. Much worse. When one thinks they've experienced the pinnacle of pain, the peak rises again. Salzem didn't want that to be the case. For either of them. By now, the shop-keeper's stare had become more intense, practically drilling into his back. Salzem ignored them.

"No... no... It wasn't your fault at all..." Salzem assured her. "I.... I was in a bad place already... Things I've done, things I'm responsible for, they still haunt me and even though you wanted to help... I ended up hurting you instead... I'm sorry...." The anguish was clearly visible in his eyes. He wanted to say more, to explain more, but she wouldn't understand. They had only met a day ago after all. He wanted to go all the way back, to make it clear that he didn't mean what he said yesterday. It was almost a miracle that Ashie offered him a chance for them to start over, for them to erase yesterday and begin anew. He genuinely smiled, his eyes a getting just a little moist. Somehow, he thought this moment wasn't worth adding to the self punishment that would be delivered at the end of the day.

"I'd like that." He said, standing up and offering Ashie a massive wolven hand to help her up as well.  The little twinge of satisfaction dueled the dark melancholy for control of his emotions. Ashie looked so frail, so small now... How could he have ever thought of hurting her...? What had come over him... Melancholy won the battle, but Salzem didn't let her see that. She doesn't need too. He offered her his best smile and looked around at the various stalls, avoiding everyone's eyes deftly before returning his gaze back on the little Uchiha girl.

"Is there something you'd like to do?" Salzem asked, his head leaning to the side in contemplation.

She listened to him speak, he seemed really sorry for how he acted, he explained further that he wasn't in a good state of mind. Which actually concerned Ashie, she watched as he outstretched his hand to shake hers and then helped pull her up from her seated position. She notice him looking around awkwardly before looking back down at her asking her if there were anything she wanted to do. She looked around, a lot of people seemed to have been glaring. With the defensive rage she felt for Sal she activated her eyes and she turned around to the vendor man, who seemed to be giving Sal a harder glare. Her eyes said it all, try anything and you perish. The man waved and calmed into a smile. Before she looked back at Sal she deactivated her eyes and smiled,

"Why don't we find some place more quiet? I can see that some people in Suna might not have good manners." She reached up with her small hand, if Sal would let her, she'd hold one of his fingers, guiding him through the people. She didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, Ashie wasn't uncomfortable holding his hand...well...finger. In fact it made her feel a little safer. She was guiding them back towards the training grounds where there wouldn't be a lot of people, a few students or genin training here or there. Other than that it was empty. As soon as they hit the end of the crowd she would let go of his hand, she just wanted to make sure he knew she was there and didn't lose her in the crowd of taller people. She sighed relieved that there's more space for them to breathe.

"So Sal, is it okay if I call you that? I don't want to force you into talking about it, I just want you to know, I'm not going to judge you for what you've done or who you are. You apologized, which means a lot to someone like me. Tell me a little about yourself, could be anything at all! Like what kinds of food you like! Or if you like to swim!" She truly was a young girl, but looks were deceiving. Ashie looked like she could be an Academy student, but she was really a Chuunin. Rank didn't matter to Ashie though, they were all equals. Unless you were in the presence of a Kage. Those were the one's that always required respect of the highest grade. Ashie had to realize that not everyone knew her heritage, not that it mattered anyways, it was nice feeling like a normal girl, not the royal that her mother and father brought her up to be. The little princess was beginning to feel like a tomboy, which was also nice!

Salzem followed Ashie out of the market place with one of his fingers being tugged along by the little girl. While it was almost adorable to see such a thing, the reason the wolf was still smiling, was the look the shop keeper got when she stood from under the table. It was one Salzem knew well from his end. It was one that said "Say anything and you die." It was one of his favorites. Perhaps that should scare him. With this much red on his hands, did looks even matter anymore? Salzem's smile wilted just a bit at the thought and suddenly, scaring people seemed a lot less fun. They eventually ended up at the training grounds, a place that if he ever saw enough of, it would be too soon. The place was so familiar, it hurt. In Konoha, practically all his time was spent there with.... ..........And there went the rest of his smile. Now, he didn't even try to fake joy as he had done when he first found the young uchiha. What was the point? That question seemed to be the one he was asking most days. And he still did things without an answer.

The grounds were surprisingly empty today with only a few genin/academy students practicing their skills but they were too far off to hear any of what they had to say. The ability did not go both ways. He felt like a jinchuuriki with all the judgment that the villagers spewed at him from behind his back. Surely, they summoned weirder things than he. Maybe it was the fact they eventually went away that made their respect hold. Ashie asked him to tell her about himself, that it could be anything. What he liked to eat, if he liked to swim and those options made him laugh a little. Maybe there was some bitterness in it... just a bit. If he told her what he liked to eat, the talk would probably be over just like that. Comically so, he imagined. Instead, he opted for her second option.

"I used to like swimming." Salzem explained. "Then this happened." Salzem raised a hand, observing it with a guilty interest. "Everything I used to partake in seemed so pointless with this in the back of my head. I used to have a human body, you know. It's....." He nearly got choked up remembering what he had done to himself, how he mutilated his human form and made no effort to stop it. "...Its gone now." The wolf forced a smile. "If I tried swimming now, I'd smell like wet dog." He meant it as a joke but it lost something in the punchline. Felt as empty and hollow as a cleaned out jar of pain meds. Attempting to brush away the creeping darkness before it could get a hold of him, Salzem breathed a deep sigh and looked up into the sky, trying to think of other things.

"Uh... I like hunting... training.... fights... A few other things... I just can't remember them off the top of my head." Salzem didn't know it but he was naming off all the things the wolf liked, not what he did.

Ashie stopped near a bench that the two could sit on comfortably, she listened to him, but what got her was when she turned to look at him, he seemed to be struggling with some hidden sorrows within. Her smile turned into a frown full of concern as he made light of his form. She smiled, this time it was one to reassure she wasn't going to judge him for who he was, not like the Hyuuga's did to her. That kind of judgement scars people, and Ashie was just guessing that's what happened to Sal.

"You know Sal? Your human form isn't completely gone." She walk up to him once again focusing her chakra to step on the air she needed to point to a particular spot, but she was too short that even if she jumped she wouldn't be able to reach. Once she got to chin level of Sal she reached forward and pointed to his heart. That indeed still held his humanity in place. Otherwise he wouldn't have apologized, he wouldn't have Saka as a friend either!

"You still got this! Your heart! You shouldn't think so low of yourself, and who cares what you smell like after swimming? The point is that you have fun while doing it!" She smiled she wanted to make Sal feel better, like he didn't have to keep thinking about repenting for the past, it would just eat him from the inside out. Maybe sharing an experience would help him, from her own past.

"When my brother and I were born, our father kept us at home a lot, there was a lot of bullying from both sides of our family. They called us dirty bloods. A lot of the children pushed, the parents talked like we shouldn't have been born. And for awhile, my brother and I only looked out for ourselves. If someone even looked at us funny, my brother was there staring them down without any hesitation." She smiled, but even in this smile there was still some pain.

"Our father let us move here with our Uncle, thinking that we might have an easier time with people seeing as how there aren't many hyuuga's or Uchiha's here. So you see...I can understand why you got mad yesterday...I was digging up your past...and it was not right. That's why I apologized. Because the pain that one feels from a horrible memory shouldn't be relived." She was looking at him, this time with regret, she hurt him when he was already having a hard time. That wasn't right. She was brought up to be a gentle girl, and there she was, the spoiled princess commenting as if Sal's feelings didn't even matter.

But they reconciled, and now it was her job to make things right again. If she had any chances of running the Uchiha clan, or running a village. She needed to understand people more. As a plus, she really wanted to befriend Sal, he seemed like a really nice person, who cares about his exterior, inside he was still a human.

"Heh..." Salzem chuckled bitterly. "Whatever you've suffered, it was because of your blood. It's easy to forgive birthright. What I'm dealing with are conscious choices, choices that aren't so simply with someone Else's forgiveness..." Salzem looked pained as he explained himself. It was something like pouring alcohol on an open wound. It stung horribly to do but maybe... just maybe... it'd be worth it.

"Every choice I've ever made has ended in failure... Every single one... They've all been impulsive, stupid choices so I couldn't even blame the world around me for the consequences... I have so much blood on my hands Ashie... The smell of my friend's reeks of these hands and I can't get it out of my nose." He turned his head away and  shut his eyes tight, trying to stem off the tears.

"I have made choices that were better left unmade... If I had just ignored these impulses... if I had simply been patient and cool-headed.... most of them would still be alive and the ones that are still breathing wouldn't despise me as they do... If I had only been there for them.... They might still be alive.... They might still be breathing and we'd be laughing all the way back home..." He put his middle finger and thumb to his eyes, the claws scratching the interior side of his nose. "But they're all dead... All of them... and it's my fault..."