Re: Some Serious Threads

Thu Dec 08, 2016 4:47 pm

Senshi really didn’t think of himself as kind, he did things because that was what his duty was. In all honesty if it wasn’t for his duty he would probably have become a full blown psychopath. The constraints of his duty, his honor, and the values he had been told someone in his position needed to have were like binding chains on a beast. They restrained him, guided him to what he should do in any situation. The villagers were his people, it was his solemn duty to protect them, care for them, and ensure their standards of living were the best possible. He found joy in helping them because they certified that his existence and what he did meant something.

As she paid with the odd signature card, Senshi gave the merchant a hard look daring him to do something offensive to the First Lady. When they left the shop he continued to cradle the eggs as carefully as possible, occasionally taking a break from examining the people around him for threats to give it a half frightened glare. As if he was afraid they would magically break. He resumed his post a full step behind her and to the left, as was only proper. He focused on her words as she spoke, turning his head so he didn’t have to look at her once she had voiced her question. He really didn’t want to speak about that mission and he felt himself tensing up at the thought of it. His eyes darkened slightly, and his head dropped marginally as he recalled the blood and having to dig his shuriken out of the mans chest.

The most disturbing part to the young boy, was the feeling he had felt with his chakra sensory. Feeling something as wonderful as chakra stop and snuffed out of existence had bothered him slightly. He still wasn’t sure how he should really feel about what he had done, and he had been intending on asking Itami-Taichou. He lifted his head looking at the sky in silent contemplation as they walked, would it really be okay to ask Akihana-sama. She had questioned him and he was duty bound to answer but it would be a simple matter to stick to the facts of his report. He had noted her tone though, it was the same one his mother used when his brothers or sisters messed up and she was trying to walk them through something.

With a final defeated sigh he finally spoke, his voice low and hesitant. “The art thief.” His mind flashed for a moment to the ex-genin, the butlers face before he continued. “I was tasked with apprehending a person…. A man, who was stealing priceless works of art from some of the more wealthy and respectable citizens.” He twitched his head around, he realized that in his moral dilemma he had not been paying attention to the people around them or where they had been walking at all. Another failure to add to his long list. “I received reliable intelligence that the suspect was a former Genin who had retired due to injuries. I conducted a thorough surveillance of his next possible target and when he was infiltrating the home I follow him in.” Senshi’s mind flashed back, vividly replaying the events that had happened.

“Though it was not required it was highly recommended that I bring the stolen art pieces back intact to the owners. When I confronted the thief, he was in the act of stealing another piece of work. He immediately reacted to my presence by moving to destroy the item. I….” He paused his vision doubling over with his memories and he stumbled slightly in his walk before catching himself. The items he was holding wobbled slightly, yet the eggs that he held ever so carefully never moved. His breath hitched before he cracked down on his emotions pushing them down, when he continued speaking his tone had lost all feeling of emotion coming out dead and monotonous. His normally hazel eyes seemed to have darkened to a deep brown and he was looking down refusing to show his shame directly to the first lady. “I used a weak Space time technique known as Storage displacement to secure two items and then another weak space time technique, mass shift to pull the final item out of the area where he was aiming a fire Ninjutsu. I then used another weak weapons technique, Kyudo Kai Quick Draw, since he was a retired Genin I assumed he would move away from the threat there by allowing me to secure the items safely before knocking him out. However…. He didn’t… he didn’t dodge. He should have, I don’t understand, he should have moved but he didn’t’. He just stood there and I could feel it. His chakra it just it faded and there was nothing.”

He snarled his voice rising slightly in anger and a fierce look entered his eyes as he spoke his last two sentences, before finally the anger faded to a dull, lifeless look. His next words, he never even realized he spoke allowed and they were only whispered. “I don’t understand. He could have dodged and he didn’t and his chakra, his spark it just… it just disappeared.” He flushed suddenly raising his head and stopping walking. He had been rambling, he had said far more than he ever should have. His face turned red in shame and he averted his eyes before bowing deeply to the First Lady of Kumogakure. He didn’t look at the people around him as he held his bow, his eyes burned in shame as he only stared at his feet. He was very nearly bent at a completely ninety degree angle, the items he was carrying secure in his arms and against his chest. “I apologize profusely Akihana-sama I should not have rambled on. I shall conduct further emotional training, it is wrong for a shinobi to be so worked up over doing something. I shall accept any punishment for my inappropriate actions.”

He remained in his bowed state, not noticing the odd stares of any of the passing villagers. He wouldn’t rise from it until she told him to. He had already shamed himself and by extension his family by losing control of himself. His father would be exceptionally displeased when he found out, and Senshi was sure he would find out. He held back a wince at the thought of the punishment he would receive for this failure. Really, he may have accomplished the mission but he should have brought the thief in alive as requested. Instead he had failed and here he was compounding one failure with another.

Wed Dec 14, 2016 4:56 pm

The medic listened to Senshi describe the kill, hesitant at first, monotonous to keep himself from feeling everything he was told he wasn't allowed to feel, trying to be accurate, precise, mechanical when speaking of a human life. He was trying, but not succeeding. His parents and the village might have raised a soldier, but there was a young boy underneath there somewhere. A boy who was curious about cake, who was passionate about helping others, and who somehow couldn't believe he had taken a life.

"Feels odd, doesn't it?" Akihana asked, ignoring his apology. If he hadn't talked to anyone about it, he certainly wasn't going to apologize for talking to her. "When the life drains out of someone. When i first held a dying person, I wondered why they called it killing in cold blood. the blood is always warm isn't it, and then the person becomes lighter under your touch as more and more blood flows out of them. Witnessing someone's chakra going out is similar, except a lot worse." There was grief in her words, quiet grief because in her own life, she had known too many who had died, had held too many as they'd taken their final breath.

Reaching out, she squeezed the boy's shoulder reassuringly. "It's okay to talk about it. It's even okay to wish it had never happened. Do you think if you could get a do over, you'd do things differently?" Here was the boy's real test. Ninja had to often kill in the line of duty, but it was imperative they did not enjoy the act. That was what Akihana had to make sure of today.

Sat Dec 17, 2016 3:30 pm

Senshi would have found her description of him surprising, and he would have vehemently denied it. He was a shinobi first and foremost and even if he didn’t like an order he would do as told. He was blind to the fact that this didn’t actually change how he would feel about something. While he would hide his emotions underneath the thin veil he had been taught they were still there. Waning and slowly going away but still accessible for now. Akihana was bringing them to the foreground, forcing him to feel for the first time in ages. He was incapable of completely masking them right now. His true confusion, guilt, and shame at what he had done were there smashing into him. Confusing him. Making him wonder if he was a good person or even a good shinobi and he was wholly unprepared for dealing with them. Years of learning to hide who he was, to hide even the hint of an emotional response was being undone.

Oh yes he would apologize. He looked up at her words, surprised by what she had said but quickly directed them back to the ground. His breathing hitched slightly at her words and he felt an odd burning sensation behind his eyes. He closed them feeling the memories of the moment coming to him in an overwhelming display. He could recall the feel of blood on his hands, dripping down his shoulder, and coating his chest. And the complete absence of chakra he had felt from the man as he delivered him to the precinct. His memories were interrupted by the pressure in his shoulder and he flinched harshly jerking up to a standing position, a flash of fear crossing his face. His breathing had increased and his heart rate spike expecting some form of physical punishment for his actions.

It took several seconds before he realized that he was being comforted and he stared from the hand that had squeezed his shoulder to her face, a look of stunned disbelief on his face. His instant response to flinch at physical contact was so ingrained in him that he didn’t know how to change it. Due to how hard he had jerked when she had touched him the supplies in his arms had jumbled around and he busied himself adjusting them. Senshi looked away as she spoke, his eyes down cast. His eyes were burning oddly, and felt overly watery and he wanted desperately to wipe at them. He hadn’t felt this feeling in years, and so was fully unsure of what it was. His voice was hoarse when he spoke, she wanted the truth and though he was loathe to admit anything he would honor the request. “I don’t… I don’t know. I still think I’d use the same technique but… I didn’t….” His voice hiccupped slightly and he felt something wet rolling from his eye down his cheek.

He raised the arm holding the eggs and rubbed his eyes fiercely in the crook of his elbow. He was surprised to feel the tears on his elbow and his face burned red in shame at showing such weakness. He hadn’t cried in years and the salty taste of his tears on his lips reminded him just how weak and pathetic he was being. He lowered his arm refusing to look her in the eye. His voice was raw with pain as he whispered his final words. “I didn’t want to kill him. Uncle always said Shinobi should be emotionless and I’m failing.” He hiccupped slightly rubbing his eyes again willing his emotions to return to the box he had built in his mind for them. His shoulders hunched over as he made himself try to appear smaller and less noticeable. With his arm covering his face he bit harshly into his bicep ignoring the feeling of blood welling there as he fought his emotions back down. He scrubbed the blood off his face as he lowered his arm his face returning to a harsh mask, but the salted tracks down his face, his red eyes, and the blood slowly leaking down his arm were all a testament to his own internal battle.

Thu Dec 22, 2016 12:57 pm

As he began to speak, clearly finding it hard to balance both the shopping in his arms and the emotions h was internally wrestling with, Akihana began to gently relieve him of the baking ingredients, taking them from his hands one by one and putting them in a small wicker basket that appeared from inside her cloak. Her signature picnic basket that could store all the mundane necessities yet failed to store the most important thing.

When Senshi admitted he was failing, Akihana took the eggs the boy was having trouble with. Storini them safely in her basket, she put the container down before reaching out and pulling the child into a warm hug.

"Your uncle is incorrect," she spoke clearly as she soothed the troubled child. It was clear he hadn't wanted to ill, that even if he could redo it, he wouldn't prefer the ssme outcome. "We all make mistakes, but some mistakes are bigger than others. Some can't be undone. I tried to undo yours but I was too late," she admitted still holding the young ninja close to her.

There was no need to go into detail about how hard she'd tried to bring the art thief back to life, how she had delivered the news to his family, how she had been present at the burial as a small comfort to the family. Senshi felt bad enough without having to know what his instinctive actions have caused.

"A lot of people tell us a lot of things, Senshi," she spoke, patting the boy's back. "And because we hold these people in high esteem, we also give the same courtesy to their spoken word. But that is not how the truth works, that is something you have to decide for yourself."

Letting him go, she picked up her picnic basket with one hand, her other still comfortingly wrapped around the boy's arm. "As for shinobi and feelings, I would respectfully disagree with your uncle. Shinobi can only protect their village when they feel inclined to, when they understand how valuable their village is to them, how important the people of their village are to them. And no one can understand that without feeling it in their heart of hearts."

Thu Dec 22, 2016 7:36 pm

Senshi felt weak and pathetic as Akihana began to take the shopping items from his arms and store them in a picnic basket. He was largely confused on where she had managed to hide it this entire time. He hung his head in shame and only gave a token resistence as she took them, as if to say that he was strong enough to hold them. Senshi tried to hold onto the eggs, it was like they were a lifeline to him. As though losing them would mean that he had completely failed. In the end however, he allowed Aki to take them and store them away as well. His head drooped further until he was staring at the ground in complete dejection. He felt his emotions welling up again but before he could completely gather them under his control he found himself enveloped in warmth.

He flinched back taking a half step back as he felt the arms close around. He felt trapped for several moments, worried that something may happen. He didn’t have long to feel like that until he realized what was happening. He was being hugged. He had seen his mother do this for his brothers and sister many times but he was wholly unfamiliar with the action. He stood stiffly his arms at his side, he wasn’t sure what to do with them. He liked the warm feeling he gained from it, but it was odd. He didn’t understand this. As her words reached his ears he turned his head slightly surprise evident on his face. He had always been told that his Uncle was always correct, that he shouldn’t doubt in his advice. But could Akihana-sama be right? That his Uncle had been wrong in what he had told the Genin?

He barely had time to process the first sentence before she continued speaking. She had tried to save the life of the man he had killed. He hadn’t known that. He felt worse knowing that he had added to her work load, forced her to go out of her way to correct something he had done wrong. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to do everything right the first time, not create more work for his superiors. His head hung, the top of it pressed against her shoulder blades as he stood awkwardly in her embrace. As she continued speaking he gave a soft sob, despite how quite it was he knew she would easily hear it with how close she was to him. He bit his lip forcing his emotions back under control. He wasn’t sure who was right. Her or his Uncle. But he knew that his Uncle had been executed by the Raikage while this woman had been taken as a wife to the Raikage.

Surely that meant that the man himself valued and agreed with her opinions. Senshi doubted that the Raikage would just allow someone to go around spreading a different word than what he wanted. The boy lifted his head, scrubbing at his eyes with his bitten arm wiping the few tears that had gathered at the corner of his eyes away. He looked at the young woman before him giving her a hesitant nod. When he spoke his voice was rough and far more quiet than normal. “I think I understand Akihana-sama. It would be better for me as a Shinobi to know the people I am tasked with protecting, to understand their desires and hurts so that I can better assist them.” To him everything must be couched in what he could do as his duty. His duty as a shinobi was what mattered most to him, his one tether to life, the one thing he didn’t think he could ever give up.

((OOC: Giving permission for Aki to do as she wishes in her next post to end this thread. IE make Senshi walk with her and bake and stuff))

Claiming:
2000/2000 words to Know Akihana's chakra signature (He's been using chakra pulses the whole time)

Fri Dec 23, 2016 5:28 pm

It looked like the boy was not used to hugs, to being protected. His tall frame seem to shrink at the warm touch at first but if there was one thing Akihana knew, it was to hold on to someone in need. Senshi wold have to understand the most important lesson one day, people needed other people to survive and showing affection was an integral part of it. the kunoichi kept hugging the child as he wept silently and then less silently, trying to understand this new information. A conflicted mind could be dangerous, which was why he had to be reminded that he was safe, through both words and actions.

"It's okay to listen to others," she explained calmly once he had wiped away the tears. Her small hand warped around his arm, the kunoichi walked beside him lightly, not rushing him in the least as his own walk slowed to match her smaller footsteps. "But remember, the most important thing you will ever hear isn't going to come from outside, it's going to come from inside you," she added as they turned a corner, Senshi purposefully avoiding her gaze in favor of looking straight ahead.

"And that's the voice that matters the most, what you decide to do in your life, what you see as right and wrong. Because you can live with disappointing everyone, but you can't live with disappointing that voice." It was a deeply personal revelation from the blonde. She had after all tried to do the very same thing. She had turned her back on Kumo for a long time, convinced herself there was nothing she could do for her old home, her real home. And it hadn't worked so she had found herself here once more, no weapons, no strategy, just a helpless plea for mercy and a desire to be heard.

Senshi shouldn't have to learn through as much trial and error.

As they made their way home, Akihana relaxed her grip on the boy, eventually letting him hold on to the basket and then engaging him in more small talk to dissolve the mood. She asked of his family, his friends, his last experience with cake and then, finally when they were safely in her kitchen, she instructed him to put on a apron and a hat, ready for the day's baking adventure.

(Exit Akihana)

TWC: 3, 233

2, 000 towards memorizing Senshi's chakra signature
1, 233 to chairy

Fri Dec 23, 2016 6:19 pm

Approved.